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    November 07

    一个只在梦境中存在的真实

               

        梦境是一个让我无法拒绝沉沦的场所。那里有我碎片千万,那里闪耀亿万星光。那里不见朝霞,只有黑暗,却决不会失去光芒。那里没有希望,但也没有悲伤。

        现实里,无法回忆那梦境里的真实,无法找到追求的本质。每一天只是一个梦,化作千万碎片的梦。当梦醒来时,它们从新交织、混合。于是一个新的自己诞生了,不时捡起身边的碎片,融化,融合,最终在梦中碎成千万。在第二日曙光将至时,新一个我又诞生了。

        记忆只是一个拥有数据的指针,它指向另一个拥有数据的指针。思考,就是寻找另一个指针,并建立联系的过程。因此,我们可以无限接近真实,却永远无法抓住真实。

        这很容易联想,闭上你的眼睛,想象你最希望拥抱的人,让她(他)浮现在你面前。接着,一个最简单的联系完成了。你最希望拥抱的人和她(他)的身影建立了联系。在这个联系过程中,首先找到的是拥抱这个动作,其次是最希望的人,人可能会浮现很多。因为包含文字描述这个数据指针,可以指向多个对象。由于并行处理所以起先十分模糊,然后逐渐清晰。在逐渐清晰的过程中,将希望解释为爱情,将爱情解释为欲望。只是最近带给你最强烈欲望的对象。找寻最强烈欲望的对象,就是找寻你身体获得冲动的记忆。最后,找到了记忆中的她(他)。看似感性的行为,在分析中也只是理性。

        这十分容易解释失忆的行成与康复。因为只是丢失了部分联系,但是在其他方位还联系着。当找到那些联系的时候,一般认为记忆就恢复了。但他们却无法找到原先的自我,因为那不在是原有的联系方式。

        这就是我接近的真实,一个只在梦境中存在的真实。所以那里永远不是真实。

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